I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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