Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
