You work out of a Hotel?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
