my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
