I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
