my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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