im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize