Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
