it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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