he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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