Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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