Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
