Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
