plz talk dirty to me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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