New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
