she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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