but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
