i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize