Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
