she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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