goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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