Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
