Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
