Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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