i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
