Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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