sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
