dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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