im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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