I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
