Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize