I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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