I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
