So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
