dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
