Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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