I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
