dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
there is glitter all over my balls
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
