Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
