It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
