He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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