her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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