All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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