threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
