he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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