he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
