Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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