Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
