I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
