Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
