Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
