i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
