last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
