but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
