I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
