DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
