I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
