No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
