I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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