Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
