Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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