i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
