How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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