saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
