My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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