That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
