is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
