Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
