Welp...herpes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
