Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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