Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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