im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
