this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
