is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
