woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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