Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
