Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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