He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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