im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
