you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I fill condoms, not promises.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
