uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
