I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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