I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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