I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
