He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
