In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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