I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So much Jack, so little girl.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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