I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
