New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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