break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize