I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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